You've Lost Something That Mattered—Here's How to Survive the First 30 Days (And Beyond)

You're not alone. And you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to get through today. Then tomorrow. One moment at a time. ## First, Know This: There's No "Right" Way to Grieve

Before we get to strategies, you need to hear this: There is no right way to grieve. There is no timeline. There are no stages you have to check off.

You might cry constantly. You might not cry at all. You might want to talk about it. You might want silence. You might feel angry, numb, relieved, guilty, or all of the above in the same hour. All of it is normal. All of it is okay.

Research shows that grief is as unique as the person experiencing it. PMC What helps one person might not help you. What you need today might be different from what you need tomorrow. That’s not just okay—that’s expected.

---

What Loss Actually Feels Like (So You Know You’re Not Crazy)

Loss doesn’t just hurt emotionally. It affects everything:

If you're experiencing any or all of these, you're not broken. You're grieving.

---

12 Ways to Get Through This (One Day at a Time)

1. Lower the Bar—Way Lower

Forget productivity. Forget being strong. Your only job right now is to survive today. Did you eat something? Drink water? Take a shower? That's enough. That's more than enough.

2. Let Yourself Feel Whatever You Feel

Don't suppress it. Don't judge it. Don't try to "be strong." If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream into a pillow, do it. If you feel numb, that's okay too. Your emotions aren't wrong—they're your body's way of processing the impossible.

3. Accept Help (Even When You Don't Want To)

When someone says "Let me know if you need anything," they mean well but you won't call. Instead, when someone offers something specific—"Can I bring dinner Tuesday?"—say yes. Let people help. You'd do it for them.

4. Take Care of Your Body (Even When You Don't Want To)

Grief is physically exhausting. Your body needs:

• Sleep: Even if it’s hard. Even if it’s broken. Rest when you can.

• Food: Even if you’re not hungry. Small, simple things. Protein bars. Soup. Whatever you can manage.

• Water: Dehydration makes everything worse. Keep water nearby.

• Movement: Even a 5-minute walk can help. Not to “fix” anything—just to move the grief through your body.

5. Don't Isolate (Even Though You Want To)

Grief makes you want to hide. Don't. You don't have to be social. You don't have to talk. But stay connected. Text a friend. Sit with someone in silence. Join a grief support group. Research shows social support is one of the most important factors in healing. PMC

6. Create Small Rituals

Rituals help us process what feels unprocessable:

• Light a candle each morning

• Write them a letter

• Look at photos

• Visit a place that reminds you of them

• Do something they loved

These aren’t about “moving on”—they’re about honoring what you lost while learning to live with the loss.

7. Express It (However Works for You)

Grief needs to come out. Find your way:

• Talk: To friends, family, a therapist, a support group

• Write: Journal, letters, poetry—whatever flows

• Create: Art, music, anything that lets the grief move through you

• Move: Walk, run, dance, yoga—let your body express what words can’t

8. Don't "Let Go"—You Don't Have To

Old grief advice said you had to "let go" and "move on." That's wrong. Research now shows that maintaining connections with what you lost is healthy. You don't have to let go. You learn to carry them with you in a new way.

9. Prepare for Triggers

Certain things will hit you like a truck:

• Their birthday

• Holidays

• Anniversaries

• Songs, smells, places

• Random Tuesday afternoons for no reason

You can’t avoid all triggers. But you can plan for the ones you know are coming. Line up support. Lower expectations. Be extra gentle with yourself.

10. Be Patient with Yourself

Grief doesn't follow a timeline. It's not linear. You won't feel a little better each day. You'll have good days and terrible days. You'll think you're doing better, then get hit by a wave that knocks you down. That's not regression—that's grief.

11. Find Meaning (When You're Ready)

Not now. Maybe not for a long time. But eventually, many people find that creating meaning from loss helps:

• Helping others who’ve experienced similar loss

• Honoring their values or passions

• Creating something in their memory

• Finding purpose in the pain

This isn’t about making the loss “worth it”—nothing makes it worth it. It’s about finding ways to live with it.

12. Know When You Need Help

Grief is normal. But sometimes it needs professional support. Seek help if:

• You’re having thoughts of suicide

• You can’t function at all for weeks

• You’re using alcohol or drugs to cope

• Grief isn’t improving after 6-12 months

• You’re completely isolated

• You feel like you can’t cope

---

The First 30 Days: A Survival Timeline

Days 1-7: Shock and Survival

You’re in shock. You’re on autopilot. You’re just trying to breathe. That’s okay. Your only job is to survive. Accept all help. Lower all expectations. Be gentle with yourself.

Days 8-14: The Crash

Everyone else goes back to normal. You don’t. The shock wears off and the reality hits. This is often the hardest part. Reach out for support. Don’t isolate. Remember: this is normal.

Days 15-30: The Long Haul

You realize this isn’t going away. You start to understand that grief isn’t something you “get over”—it’s something you learn to live with. Start finding small ways to cope. Be patient. You’re doing better than you think.

---

What About “The Stages of Grief”?

You’ve probably heard about the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Here’s the truth: they’re not stages. They’re not linear. You don’t check them off.

You might experience all of them, none of them, or some of them in random order. You might cycle through them multiple times. That’s normal. Grief isn’t a ladder you climb—it’s a wave you learn to ride.

---

When Everyone Else Has Moved On But You Haven’t

Here’s what nobody tells you: other people will move on long before you do.

After the funeral, after the first few weeks, everyone goes back to their lives. They stop asking how you are. They expect you to be “better.” But you’re not. You’re still in it. And that can feel incredibly lonely.

This is normal. This is expected. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your loss mattered. It means you loved deeply. And that takes time to process.

---

🌅 The Bottom Line

You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to have it figured out. You just have to get through today.

And tomorrow, you’ll do it again. And the day after that. And slowly—so slowly you won’t even notice—it will get a little easier to breathe.

Not because the loss hurts less. But because you’re learning to carry it.